New years eve

Hello  sweethearts,

I assume that you know tonight is new years eve according to the gregorian calender.
The year 2014 is upon us, and I personally am very excited for this. I have been rembling about resolutions for the new year, and to the things I look forward too, I think it is appropriate to look back at the year, and remember the things that once were, and the events that lead us to the place we reside in today.

2013 was the year that I started HRT, it was the year that I went full-time. It was the year that I recieved a piece of my confidence back from the netherworlds and the year where good friends were brought closer, and became a part of my soul for all time. It was also the year that brought me closer to my loving brother and mother.

I look back on this and think. 2013 wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be, not as bad as I recall it during the year. I have often dreaded existance itself in times of loneliness and despair. But I stand here on the brinck of the year, and now realize, that it was all just temporary, it had purpose, and all of it happened for the greater good. I smile to myself as I type this from my best friends kitchen, dressed up for a night of good food and celebration. I'm not done cooking, and I havent finished my makeup, but I really just felt and urge to share my thoughts with you. I look forward to seeing you all in 2014.

o      

 o                      

 o                                   

 o                                           

 X                                              

   <3                                                

Have a happy new year.

                                          <3

                    love and hugs         X           

                                         o

                        Kira           o            

                     o

           o

    o

o

o

'   o   '

x o x

x

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Purgatory

If there are anoyone out there with dark powers, I just want to let you know that you can have my soul, my first born, well, take whatever you want to if you can make my bodyhair dissapear faster. *sigh* 1 year full time, 6 months on HRT. Hair. Please go away now. while some of you might feel tempted to say :

"biological girls have hair too"

I just want to say:

"stop! no! imagine if it was your ENTIRE body, your chest, everything, covered in black hair. See, you don't"

I ran out of Spiro before my meds could get here today. FUCK.

A slightly disgruntled, extremely hormonal greeting.

love,
Kira

Pondering over 2014

Hello sweethearts,

As you know, we're about to embrace the end of 2013 and enter a new year. As is tradition, the new year is time for change and renewal, hopeful wishes that we long to fullfill. Of course, this means that I too have some wishes that I want to come true.

It makes pretty good sense that so many people wish to go on diets and lose weight as a new years resolution, since christmas is usually a season loaded with feasts and sweets. There are many ways to empower these new years resolutions to make sure that we can fulfill them, first of all, writing them down is a common way for people to remind themselves to stay on track.

My first new years resolution is to get in shape, lose the excess weight and tone my body enough to feel proud in a bikini this coming summer. I'm going to embrace a diet and a strict workout/yoga routine. For the former, my routine will be mainly stomach, legs and butt. Which is why I decided to follow these schemes:

Certified fitness instructor Cassey Ho, who is also the author of blogilates.com created a workout series called "Bikini Blaster".

the series consist of 6 different routines which combine into a full-body program that, if followed intensely, will make you look amazing for the summer season.

My workout routine will be this series, every second day, and yoga series by instructor Tara Stiles on the other days.
I'm going to go for a run twice during the week, gradually increasing my distance.
Luckily I have a beautiful lake nearby with a circumference of approximately 5km which makes the route perfect for cardio exercising.

My dieting will mostly consist of the things that I actually eat right now, but I'm going to cut out a few things to improve it.

no more soda

no more snacks

no more candy

no more fast food

no more red meat

I was meditating a while ago, and I came to think, that with everything I have risked, and all that has been lost from coming out and embracing myself. It seemed a bit wrong, not to devote myself to becoming me. Its narcissistic, but I couldn't care less.

I'm done with doing things half-heartedly and I really look forward to reap the fruits of me efforts once summer comes back.
I'm tired of feeling insecure because of having a body that is not quite up to par.
I want to feel like I can believe people when they tell me that they think I am pretty. I want to be able to add full-body pictures to my transition timeline and see that I made a difference. But most of all, I just want to prove to myself that I can actually accomplish something great <3


Bikini Blaster 1:

This routine is created to tone up and get rid of that annoying excess bodyfat that seems to be impossible to get rid of.


Bikini Blaster 2:

This routine is for those sexy, firm legs.
We all want to have pretty legs, slim thighs and that fabled gap between the legs. Make sure to get this routine on your list. Who knows? maybe you can begin buying jeans in a size smaller than your current one?


Bikini Blaster 3:

The third routine is made to get that amazing six pack. I never had a six pack, not even in my time as a CMAS diver. but in 2014, I will have it by summer <3


Bikini Blaster 4:

This one's for the arms. Get rid of that flabby fat on the overarms and get slender and firm muscles instead. I'm going to neglect this routine a little bit. Mostly because being born as a boy has already given me quite muscular arms, and I would actually like to get rid of just a little bit of it. I'm not going to forget it entirely though, I just want to make sure that I lose a little of it first <3


Bikini Blaster 5:

yes. Get rid of the muffintop for good! 


Bikini Blaster 6:

The last routine is very important!
tailored to give you that gorgeous butt that all the boys turn their heads for <3

            .
            
     *
        o
            <3
                    =^.^=
                                 <3
                                        o
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                                           .

For the yogapart. I'm going to pick the sets that I feel like, but to begin with, I will do flexibility and balance enhancing sets.
Tara Stiles made a video-series called beginner yoga. Those videos are actually really good and her flexibility and balance set in that series is great to get those joints loosened up for good and get your balance centered. 





Although It's a huge wish of mine to fulfill this training program, it actually isn't my only resolution for new years. I have been reading a lot about chakras and meditation. It might sound stupid, but I really want to try and open my chakras. To experience some kind of personal transccendance and deal with my anxiety, my doubts, and all the other small issues that I have to deal with in daily life. I want to find some kind of purpose and meaning with the journey, not just the destination. I'm a very impatient person, so having to "wait" for the end of the journey would be hard to deal with if I can't find some kind of redemption on the way there. To those of you who don't know what its all about, chakras are centers of energy along your spine, directing the flow of energy throughout your system. Imagine a series of pools along a stream. If your chakras are open and healthy, the flow through the stream is even and unbroken, but If a chakra is blocked, the flow stops, and the following chakras can't get energy. Every chakra has a focus. You could say they deal with a right. Each one also has a demon that blocks it, something that must be overcome in order to succesfully open the chakras. There are seven major chakras. Explained in short from bottom to top:

The first chakra deals with survival,

I want to have this tattoo <3

it is the right to be and it is blocked by fear.  

The second chakra deals with emotions,
it is the right to feel and it is blocked by guilt. 

The third chakra deals with will,
it is the right to act and is blocked by shame. 

The fourth chakra deals with love,
it is the right to love and is blocked by grief.

The fifth chakra deals with communication,
it is the right to speak and is blocked by lies.

The sixth chakra deals with intuition,
it is the right to see, and is blocked by illusion.

The seventh chakra deals with awareness,
it is the right to know and is blocked by attachment.

I also want to start my own business, just something I can do creatively besides working where I do now. I've been thinking about doing some guitar fx and making some custom clothing :)




My last new years resolution is to become better at japanese (I teach myself).
I am currently learning and memorizing Hiragana and Katakana. I want to be able to do 1st and 2nd grade kanji before 2015 and of course be able to do basic communication :)

読んでくれてありがとう!

Hugs and love,
Kira <3

Tiaras and trenchgear: Fashion for getting out of dodge

Hi =^.^=

Those who know me well, also knows that I have a slightly unhealthy relationship to the apocalypse. You could say that we are romantically involved. I always had a fascination for the life after civilization ends. It is a future so unfathomable that it is hard not to ponder over how things might turn out, and when. As there is always the right pair of shoes for every party, and the right dress for every date. So, there is also the right things to wear when civilization crumbles and your neighbours start shooting each other for clean drinkingwater. First of all, a lady needs a handbag that can support her needs while complimenting the rest of her outfit. After some careful search, I ended up with two different bags. Ironically, both of them are from Rothco. To those of you who does not know Rothco, they make the ULTIMATE utility bags while maintaining great style :-)

Rothco Vintage Canvas Paratrooper bag:

W/ Biohazard symbol
3 Inner compartments
1 Outer compartment
15" x 11" x 4"
Adjustable shoulderstrap





The bag easily holds laptop(s), books, clothes, makeup, food, etc.
I use this bag for daily routines as I can carry my laptop, electronics notes and essential urban survival gear in it with ease and also have room for unplanned purchases or aqquirerings. ^_^
Another great thing about the bag is the two D-rings on the back of it. Use them for paracord, gloves, goggles and so on. The strap is adjustable and has a very impressive travel, making it possible to wear the bag comfortable in a variety of different ways (making it compatible with another bag even).

The second bag on my list is a real killer with its great postapoc design. It's smaller than the first bag but it has more compartments, actually a LOT more compartments, making it the ideal GOOD bag for the utilities you need at hand at all times.

Rothco Stonewashed Canvas Mesh bag:

1 Main inner compartment
1 Zipped inner pocket
4 Outer pockets
3 D-rings
1 Mesh compartment on the back
8" x 14"
Adjustable strap
Leather straps to keep pockets in place




This beauty is the ULTIMATE bag for a gear / postapoc / survival-chick<3
It holds everything and keeps your stuff neatly organized, it can even fit a 13" Macbook Pro.
I use it for going out, traveling or other daily tasks that doesnt require me to carry documents with me everywhere. It fits the essentials, and thats exactly what you need it for, having makeup / first aid / tools right at hand is super easy with this baby. You'll never have to search your bag for that annoying bus-card anymore.

The next important thing on the list is footwear. Unfortunately, heels are a no go for this scenario (yes, I know, it is really f*cking horrible :/). I suggest picking up a pair of boots that are both stylish and sturdy. Or at least stylish... I have narrowed down my selection to these:

Why these three pairs?...

...Because they're gorgeous, so f*ck you if you dont like them ;)







To me, chuck taylor knee high's go hand in hand with the end of the world, that might have come off a little negative, but I assure you, I mean it in a loving way. There's just something about a pair of them, slightly covered in dust from the wasteland. They go well with anything, and they're actually quite practical. They might not be the sturdiest things around but they do the job well. The last pair is a Tory Burch design that just makes me want to nail my soul to the devils altar<3

next up, we need to figure out what to wear for our "bottom" part. I would strongly argue against wearing dresses. Even though they give you free movement and you look like an angel. It makes it all the easier to rape you, and you have nowhere to hide your weapons. So, sorry girls, dresses are off the menu. Instead, I propose that you find a sick pair of shorts, or an adorable skirt that you can wear on top of a pair of leggings (get a pair that looks like gartered stockings, because they're sexy, and god forbid that you dont look amazing when the rest of the world doesnt).

If you have the guts for it, buy these Abercrombie & Fitch shorts for men, and then break out your most violent pair of sheers and cut the legs off. <3 they would be perfect.








Wow, look how fast we're getting there! now you just need a top and then the basics are all laid down.
you want something neutral, something black, something with a nine inch nails logo on it, something DIY, something like this amazing piece off of Ebay:

Get yourself a gasmask aswell, it looks cool hanging from your bag, and you're going to need it some day (dont forget the filter). Also, consider your accesories carefully, you want something techy, but also something broken. Get a wristwatch, and have a watchmaker remove the indicatorplate so that the gears show. That is of course unless you can afford this awesome Romain Jerome watch ^_^

Which I am afraid that you cant, since, first of all, he only made 9, second of all, they're sold out and third of all... they had a pricetag of 300.000$

They price makes sense when you take into account that he is a renowned watchmaker, and it really show in all of his work. and the unique little detail that all of these watches contained pieces from Titanic, which is pretty awesome.





You still need to be able to tell time, so the options are; Do what Alice did and keep a digital sportswatch in your belt, or buy a ringclock:

They arent on the market yet, but they're up for preorder, and they actually arent that expensive, not when you consider the awesomeness and the fact that it has inductive charging <3



You need a coat to wrap all that gorgeousness in, so go find yourself a military parade jacket or an M65 us army jacket. The latter ones are amazingly warm and comfortable in winter :) My pick came down to this lovely Brandit jacket:

I really like the reinforced elbows and wriststrap features on this jacket. =^.^=

the assymetrical bikerlike zipper is a nice touch aswell :)









last of all girls, dont forget to wear a tiara...

                                          
                       ...Because you should never be anything less than absolutely fabulous<3


Lots of love and hugs,
Kira <3

Poem: Undercity siren

Undercity siren:

Barren is the heart of a whore
her soul a mere trinket under lock and key
she is but the mirror of her companion

in which he reflects his own disgrace

her eyes, a song to lure them in
her skin the chains to bind them

she offers gentle compassion
but she will claim your soul

if you havent already lost it

Nabemono (Japanese hot pot)

Dear and lovely readers,

today I bring you a promised but delayed recipe for Nabemono.

It's easy to make, but you will need a few things:
- A big clay pot
- A tablestove
- Kombu seaweed
- Bonito flakes

The latter two can be found in most well supplied asian supermarkets.

the procedure goes as follows:

cut a piece of Kombu (around 5cm) and wash it off with cold tap water, then place it in the clay pot and let it soak until it floats to the surface. Add a pinch of Bonitoflakes to the pot and bring it to simmer.

now you have succesfully made Dashi (japanese fish stock)

all you need is to make a dipping sauce, in this case Ponzu sauce, and then add the ingredients.

Ponzu sauce:
4 tbsp Soy sauce
4 tbsp lemon juice (or if you are really lucky, Yuzu juice)
1 tbsp rice vinegar

for ingredients, you can use just about everything. but try with these:
- Tofu
- Freezedried tofu
- shirataki or udon noodles
- Bok Choy
- Carrots
- leeks
- crab
- chicken
- Beef
- salmon
- Naruto roll
- Gyoza
- various mushrooms

you serve it with a few ingredients to begin with, and a platter with raw ingredients. Each dinnerguest has their own bowl for eating out of, and their own dippingbowl with Ponzu. you take the things you wish to eat from the bowl, and as it cooks, add more ingredients of your liking to the broil.

this is a traditional winter dish, and a very favorable dish to serve with a group of friends.

Hugs,
Kira

Romanticized Europe: A dearest dream of mine

Hello dear readers,

This time I am back to tell you about my beloved europe, my dream and fantasy. I find myself bewitched by romantic europe, The continent, in its ideal state. Though foolish and blind it might be, still, It is my dream.

“You're an expatriate. You've lost touch with the soil. You get precious. Fake European standards have ruined you. You drink yourself to death. You become obsessed with sex. You spend all your time talking, not working. You are an expatriate, see? You hang around cafes.”  - Ernest Hemmingway

Europeans are nihilists, eccentrics, idealists, lovers, scholars, artists, elitists and romantics.
To be european is to appreciate the beauty of simplicity, while indulging in complexity.
To be european is to love.
To love food
To love art
To love history
To love music
To love life.

Each country in europe is home to the european, each, and all of them at the same time. Yet, to the european, every country is mysterious, unique, presents its own virtues and treasures, and feels as ancient as time itself. In Europe, old grudges can exist for a millenia, while not truly being significant. They become more of a competetive trait that other countries within the continent while attempt to use against one another in the quest for excellence. Europe is classy and wellmannered, beautiful and sophisticated.

I present to you a few of my dream spots below;

Spain
Spain represents luxury and abundance to me. I am fond of the country, yet I have only ever been to the southern part, in the area of Catalunia. Waking up to a picturesque sunset over the shore of Moreia, to go to a market and buy figs, matured by the hot sun and dry air. To enjoy tapas at a lovely cafe, with a glass of wine and good company. To go out for formal dinners. To speak the local tongue. To spend the day at the beach, bathing, tanning, reading, having sangria. To end a night with music and wine, at a candlelit table, amidst the buildings of ancient cities, to revel in the liviliness of such a city, completely cloaked by the mediteranean starlit night.

To spend the night with a beautiful spaniard, whispering sweet nothings with a language as red as blood,
and as passionate as fire itself.
to never look back. 

And never regret.
to never age, and never tire
from endless love

and endless dancing.

England

Imagine a snowy winter, on cobbled streets winding through a town of leaning houses and remnants of castles. A cathedral, reaching out to god with its spires. Complimented by basilicas and courtyards.
All the while, the smell of pies and fudge flood your nostrils from the numerous bakers and fudgefactories. A perfect place for a stroll in winter.

The place you are imagining, is Canterbury, Kent. how lovely it would be to go for a walk with a proper well-mannered brit, talking about history, and then swing in for a cup of tea and a 

scone or two. To me, England is a representation of homeliness, and the food a staple of proper, savory, winter feast.  

Or I would consider indulging myself with the greatness of London city, Embracing shopping and fine dining alike. Walking through the city, shopping for the latest fashion and makeup. Being accompanied by the busy streets and high buildings, stepping into every single Starbucksin my path as I head towards the underground. Visiting the food marked in Camden lock, and exploring the countless shops and scenes of the alternative capitol of the world. Then heading off to downtown Soho for a pint of beer. 

Czech Republic:
From the sights of czeski raj to the wonderful architechture of Prague. The Czech Republic is a country meant for the eyes. Explore the many wonders of the forest in czeski raj as you traverse the many sandstone pillars that seem to come from nowhere, all over this enchanting forest, until you arrive at the castle overlooking the region. Set to Prague for all the medieval wonders, best explored at night. And spend the days with sex and czech stout in a abundance.

The glorious Czech Republic is the ancient history of europe. With gothic spires and clockwork, mysterious magic and gloomy lore. You get a sense of werewolves, stalking at night, while eccentric scientists conduct unholy experiments. Prague is for the adventurous and architecture interested.

France
The land of artistry. Go to Paris and fall in love, picnic by the Eiffel, with wine, bread and cheese and retreat to the hotel to make love like you were newly married. Seek out the boheme and the burlesque in the hours of the night, and drink Absinthe like Van Gogh at the parisian street side. Explore the finest restaurants that Europe can spare.


Visit Provence with a fioncé. Enjoying the

quiet countryside and the sweet smell of lavenders. Spend the days roaming the countless food markets, admiring the amazing quality and abundance of their greens. Have a glass of wine in the shade of an olive tree and go to the seaside along the riviera to Saint Tropez. High class living and luxury, being spoiled by a lover.






and go to the seaside along the riviera to Saint Tropez. High class living and luxury, being spoiled by a lover. Sun, sea, fashion, jewelry, fast cars, boats, stars, diamonds luxury...

As glorious as Europe is, as much is it all a fool's fantasy. A remnant of the elite society back in the 60's. Today Europe is as bland and broken as the rest of civilization on earth. The glorious times, where people cared for art more than hitlist music, when they wanted to see architecture rather than drooling in front of a televised reality program. Back when exquisite cuisine was something that the majority were fond of, in the days where fast food was a mere dystopic thought. Technology has carelessly murdered Europe.

hugs.
Kira

New home: the first follow up

Namaste dear readers,

I have finally completed moving into my flat/bedroom again. Everything is in place, and I have cleaned the entire flat. A sense of balance washes over me and calms my busy, messy head. I have spend the day in candlelight with subtle background music. I finally feel like I have come home, and that my sanctum gives me the shelter that I, as an introverted being, need to have in order to stay sane. It aches my heart that I am still without a camera cellphone. I would have taken pictures and explained, for all of you to see today, but I am afraid that you will have to wait a bit for that :)

In the meantime, I suggest that you cuddle up for the winter and ready yourself for the steadily approaching holiday. With tea and blankets. You should try out a japanese hotpot with your best friends. I will post more about it tomorrow.

Love and hugs,
Kira

A great discovery

Its wedensday morning, I am somehow more awake than I would usually have been. Its freezing cold outside, but its a beautiful day. I head for 7/11 to get coffee, but their machine is out of order. I search for something to redeem my loss and decide to just grab a Starbucks Discoveries Mocha from the cooler. But that is when the unexpected event happens, and I come across this wonderful thing

If you havent tried it, I suggest you do so before they dissapear. It is true to the taste of their White mocha latte's. which everyone knows is the best coffee to go in the entire universe. =^.^=

Treat yourself!
Happy holidays,
Kira

The wisdom of Iroh:

The character Iroh from the animated series Avatar: the last airbender and Avatar: the legend of Korra
have come to be a great role model for me. Do not fool yourselves from the fact that this is a children's show, as the wisdom of his teachings could truly make all of us a lot happier.
I present to you, the wise words of Iroh:

"Protection and power are overrated. I think you are very wise to choose happiness and love. There are reasons each of us are born. We have to find those reasons"

"You are not the man you used to be. You are stronger and wiser and freer than you ever used to be. And now you have come at the crossroads of the destiny. Its time for you to choose. Its time for you to choose good"

"Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel, you can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, you will come to a better place"

"It is important to draw wisdom from different places. If you take it from only one place it become rigid and stale"

"pride is not the opposite of shame, but it’s source. True humility is the only antidote to shame"

"Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not"

"Sick of tea? That’s like being sick of breathing!?"

"[Iroh has just watched a group of boys accidently kick a ball through a window] [to the boys] It is usually best to admit mistakes when they occur, and to seek to restore honor. [Angry Man coming to the window] But not this time. Run!"

"While it is always best to believe in one’s self, a little help from others can be a great blessing"

"[crying] I was never angry with you. I was sad, because I was afraid you’d lost your way"

"You know, Prince Zuko, destiny is a funny thing. You never know how things are going to work out. But if you keep an open mind and an open heart, I promise you will find your own destiny someday"

"At my age, there is really only one big surprise left, and I’d just as soon leave it a mystery"

"There’s nothing wrong with a life of peace and prosperity. I suggest you think about what it is that you want from your life, and why"

"So this is how the great commander Zhao acts in defeat… disgraceful! Even in exile my nephew is more honorable then you. Thanks again for the tea. It was delicious"

"Be careful what you wish for, Admiral. History is not always kind to its subjects"

"You must never give into dispair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength"

"Your critical decision – what you did beneath that lake. It was such a conflict with your image of yourself that you are now at war within your own mind and body"

"You are going through a metamorphosis, my nephew. It will not be a pleasant experience but when you come out of it. You will be the beautiful prince you were always meant to be"

"I know your not supposed to cry over spilled tea, but [cries] it’s just so sad"

"Is it your own destiny? Or is it a destiny someone else has tried to force on you?"

"You have light and peace inside of you. If you let it out, you can change the world around you"

"Sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else"

"Even in the material world, you will find that if you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see"

"Many things that seem threatening in the dark Become welcoming when we shine light on them"

I hope that some of his wisdom will help you, as it has helped me, to find yourself and bring balance to your spirit.

Many hugs,
Kira

New home: The teaser

Hey sweethearts,

I am finally back home, ^_^

I am getting everything fixed and cleaned up today, so later I will be able to give you the full tour :o
I'm actually writing this from the studio space below my bed. The living room and the floor outside of the bed/studio area are still messy, but I will work my ass off so I can show you how lovely it has become here. I have the soundtrack from Super Meatboy running on the speakers and I feel really happy today. I hope to be ready to just kick back and have tea when the storm kicks in.

Talk to you later loved ones,

Hugs,
Kira =^.^=

On hold

I stare at the unfinished project.
Overtaken by drowsiness and bitterness.
I wonder when my project is complete?
The hours pass by
and I steer motionless through aeons of silence
I just want to go home.
can I please come home?

With dismay,
Kira

Lingering in grey december

I have come home empty and drained. I am tired of living, out of time, in the basement of my parents suburban villa. While the comfort of my mothers food was a welcoming sensation at first, I have grown bitter and restless. I am not able to be myself, I can not restore myself without solitude, I can not work on my voice without solitude. And I can not find a solitary moment in this house, with constant interuptions every afternoon, and disorder every morning. I long for my own bed, the sound of my city and the tastes and smells of my own cooking. Knowing that I will move back home tomorrow, today still feels unfathomably infinite and my sanity so finite. In the car on the way home, we make our way through the massive concrete trench. I dont say a word all the way home. I feel defeated. As we drive, I just stare at skies outside, finding sweet redemption in the sheer beauty of the scandinavian winter's twilight. I am now curled up beneath my duvet, hoping for an interesting conversation to pop up somewhere on the internet, while I put my melancholy to text. Even though I feel pointless and indifferent. I am reminded by that very same emotion, to never give up even though everything will crumble and wash away in the end. It is important to savor the moment. To know that it meant something. To have loved and felt sorrow, to have lost and surrendered. Every piece of life is important, and every moment precious, life is the one thing that requires expenditures without a source of income and no refunds given. We all pay, the same price, at the same rate, until we run out, and life ends. There is no way to know how much you get to spend from life's beginning until its end. So making every payment worth its price is alpha and omega. In life, the currency is time. Make the most of it.

I think I will make my self a cup of tea, take care of yourselves <3

Kira

Ranting about Placebo

I feel a definitive urge to rant about Placebo as the band will always have a special place in my heart. The ingenious and often queer lyrics of Brian Molko helped me come to terms with being trans before coming out. It was through his voice I realized how I truly felt, and I feel like I owe the band something in return. All I can give them is devotion though, which I already did back then :)
Here's the lyrics to a song that evokes a great emotional response in me:

"Nancy Boy"

Alcoholic kind of mood

lose my clothes, lose my lube
cruising for a piece of fun

looking out for number one
different partner every night
so narcotic outta sight
what a gas, what a beautiful ass.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

Kind of buzz that lasts for days
had some help from insect ways
comes across all shy and coy
just another nancy boy.
Woman man or modern monkey
just another happy junkie
fifty pounds, press my button
going down.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

Does his makeup in his room
douse himself with cheap perfume
eyeholes in a paper bag
greatest lay I ever had
kind of guy who mates for life
gotta help him find a wife
we're a couple, when our bodies double.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

And it all breaks down at the role reversal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal,
got the muse in my head she's universal,
spinnin' me round she's coming over me.

Even though the song is written about an effeminate gay man, I could relate to it, and it made me realize that there was nothing wrong about the way I felt. Wanting to be girly and liking boys did not mean I was a freak. Having never truly felt right as a boy, this song made me take the first step towards selfrealization and eventually helped me cope with my genderidentity confusion.

After coming out and trying to recover from the breakup. I listened to placebo a lot. Their lyrics, Brians voice, and the composition and sound of their music went straight to my soul and became a great part of my healing process.

today, Placebo is a metephor for human emotion in my life. They represent lust and sorrow, love and grief, compassion and spite. The soundtrack of being alive.

Hugs,
Kira <3

 

Monday morning

Hey everyone :)

I'm at work, trying to get up to speed for a week of work. It has been an eventful weekend. I'm moving back home tomorrow, hopefully, I will give you a photoshoot of my sanctum <3
I just need to get past monday. We're going to get my new closet in IKEA tomorrow. It is a PAX type closet (the ones you design yourself). I can not wait to get my home back :')

I spend friday in my own company, going to bed early, it was a very insignificant day.
Saturday was spent hanging out with my lovely ex girlfriend<3 (we have become great friends over the turbulence of me coming out and the two of us splitting). She was hungover from a wild night out on friday. We had thaifood together as we prepared for the biggest event in this century so far: PLACEBO, live in falconer.

<3 Did I ever mention how much I want this beautiful boy? <3

<3 Brian Molko <3

They had their entire new album: Loud like love on the setlist, and almost ALL of the hits from their earlier albums, including Running up that hill. Overall, with the sound being amazing and Brian being cute as f*ck. The concert was amazing. I still suffer from dying a little by his voice<3.

My sunday passed working my ass off in the flat to get the elevated platform constructed. Luckily, we managed to get it done. (hence moving home tomorrow).

I litteraly can not wait to cook my own food, read books by candlelights, and listen to more Placebo as I settle back into my own world and my own rythm.

see you around,

Hugs,
Kira <3