Hello Anxiety

Hello readers,

I only just managed to open my front door and get inside the flat before I burst out crying, crying turned to hyperventilation - which became senseless shaking, curled up inside myself in the corner of my shower. As if the entire pantheon had motioned to destroy me. I felt the weight of the world crushing against me, unable to hold it aloft. All of my thoughts became a blur of distortion like crushing glass in an echo cavern with a PA system attached. My guiding light in the distant horizon snuffed out - I was left in the darkness, with no sense of direction, and no feeling of even a distant fleeting hope. Amidst the anarchy of my rampant thoughts, one single thought was clear as cold running water: "You're going to die". The thought scared me, most of all because the time it would happen was no longer relevant, it might as well be today as any other? Back to the static noise and another session of hulking crying primal fear. Thoughts would cross my mind in a somewhat understandable manner every now and then. Thoughts like: "you have achieved nothing", "you wont make it", "you're losing your friends", "you will be alone", "you look wrong"...

I have somewhat come to my senses, but I still can't control my crying. The silence of the flat is deafening and my skin feels uncomfortable.

Today marks the worst downfall I have experienced during my transition. If I was religious, I would pray that no other day will exceed the horrors of this one.

I hope, for what more can I do??

Sincerely,
your tormented Kira.