Some of you may recognize this symbol, and among those of you who recognize it,
Some of you might be able to identify with it in one way or another.
the triskellion symbolizes the acronym SSC (Safe, Sane and consensual) the three vows of BDSM.
Yes, dear readers, today I will tell you about the world of BDSM, hopefully I will clarify some things and uncover the truth behind some myths. Usually, when people hear the word BDSM or S & M, they imidiately think of pain. They think of imprinted images in their mind from having come across pictures of "BDSM". These ideas are biased. as the porn industry tends to overexaggerate the aspect of pain. Also, the viewer has no perception of the state of mind of the participants. Which in my opinion, is the single most important aspect of BDSM.
BDSM is in itself a combination of different acronyms that fall into a main category which is, BDSM.
BD (Bondage):
The act of restricting the movement of a partner either partially or entirely through the use of rope, cuffs, chains and so forth.
Ds (Dominance / submission):
The psychological distribution of power between consenting participants.
The Dom is the one who orders and controls the sub.
Daddy / Babygirl
Owner / Pet
Master / Slave
is the exact same thing in different flavours.
SM (Sadomassochism):
either to fin pleasure in recieving or inflicting pain.
this also manifests in humiliiation.
This is how the acronym has come to be, since more than often. the three differend types go hand in hand, in unity, a triskellion, like the one that stands for Safe, sane and consensual. Now you might wonder what this has to do with BDSM, but it is actually a very important thing. since BDSM is really all about trust. The submissive recieves a great deal of arousal through fully submitting to the dominant, letting them control everything. On the other side, being empowered by gaining the submissives trust is a huge turn on for the dominant. SSC are rules that are golden to keep.
Safe: always have first aid kits at hand. Know where the keys are to all the locks and which keys pair to which lock. Always have a pair of sheers that are capable of cutting whatever rope you're using.
Sane: never do anything reckless and dangerous. Keep the game a game and make sure not to break eachothers hard bounderies (Ill get to this later).
Consensual: make sure all participants are consenting (consent is something that has to be established before a scene since the game can involve simulated lack of consent). This is where the safeword belongs. The safeword is there for the submissive to use when a hard boundery is about to be broken. It must be respected at all times by the dominant. (no, the safeword can not just be "stop" or "no", since these words are often used during games that involve simulated lack of consent and is easier to mis-interpret than say "London","Panda" or "Pineapple").
BDSM is all about make believe, a game of pretend. Since the paradox of Dominant and submissive, is actually quite clear once explained. In BDSM, the submissive is given freedom through submission. By letting themselves submit and give up power and will. They are freed from responsibility and allowed to truly just feel and experience. The dominant is slave to the submissive. In that they must see to the well being of the submissive and always make sure to maintain the bond of trust.
You might be asking yourself at this point: "so why would people do this?".
People do it because they are drawn to aspects of it. for the submissive, giving up power is relieving from a stressful reality. It heals, to be robbed of every decision. It heals, to just feel without thought of consequence. For the dominant, being able to show the submissive aspects of themselves that they didnt know they possesed is healing. They can both seek comfort in eachother and to be able to fully expose themselves to eachother is very intimate.The flavour is dominance and submission, Pain is but a spice, and bondage simply a remedy to consume the delicacy that is BDSM. Okay that was a twisted comparisson, but hopefully you'll get it.
Many people believe that BDSM has to be extreme. This is not the case. BDSM is all about breaking bounderies within one self. For this task. The submissive is the passanger of their own experience and the dominant is the navigator, showing the submissive new and uncharted realms. Breaking bounderies is a risky thing to attempt, which is why the level of trust between the submissive and the dominant has to be extraordinary. There are things that you know that you will absolutely not, under any circumstance, break. These are called hard bounderies and the safeword is handy when these bounderies are about to be approached. Then, there are things that you thought you wouldnt do. These are the soft bounderies, and these, are what the dominant will attempt to push.
So what's all this about spanking? and why is it so good?
when you're little you fear getting punished with spanking because it hurts. just like you feared the doctors needle for the very same reason. As we grow up, we learn that getting a vaccine doesnt actually hurt so much, all you feel is a tiny prick. The same idea can be applied to spanking. Sure it hurts, but the initial sting wears off and all you're left with is an intense warmth. It also has a curious age regression effect. As the humiliation of being punished can awaken some feeling if being younger again. For a lot of people, ageplay can be very arousing.
Why bondage? Imagine that someone tickles you. You respond by moving them away with your hand. Then imagine the same thing, except this time, your hands are tied. What are you going to do? Nothing! you can do nothing. You are powerless in the hands of your "torturer" and it can be very scary. But as long as you trust eachother, it can be a very intense emotional experience. A physical reminder that you, as a submissive, do not have free will.
In some cases. a couple will undergo training, as an advanced and very intense part in the powerplay between the participants. The Dominant takes on the role as the trainer, and through a series of non-sexual and sexual tasks "trains" the submissive to be a better slave. This includes training the submissive to have a better posture, a nicer walk, reply politely and much much more. The submissive learns to show persistence during punishment, and willingness to obey their orders.
These things can become 24/7 power exchange games, where the sub, is ALWAYS submissive and in some instances. The dominant takes on the role of controlling all aspects of the submissives life. This is called total power exchange, and is, even in the BDSM scene, a very rare thing.
In all cases, it is a good idea to make a contract, determining what the dominant can do to the submissive, and what rights the submissive has. These contracts serve to protect the submissive, and often include details about hard bounderies, conditions for servitude and circumstances that will immidiately terminate the contract. It puts on paper any rules for seeing other people than those who are respectively mentioned in the contract and a lot of small things that has to be taken to note.
The contract is of course not legally binding. But it is still an exciting thing to have. The whole process of first submitting out of free will, and then signing the contract to seal the deal can be a very metamorphic experience.
As a submissive, I have found that undergoing submission has made me more confident, more considerate and more polite, not only do I walk, talk and take actions with confidence in my daily life, but I am also stronger for it. I know, that no matter what, I have a dominant to protect me, and make sure that I am allright.
Boring chores can seem less dull, if they are performed as a task given by a dominant, and in many ways, it has made life a lot more interesting. BDSM is all about power exchange and trust. Ropes and whips are just spices that makes it a little more interesting. I am sure that many people I know, have desires that incline towards these, but many keep it a secret, because they fear ridicule from their peers. But listen now, I hope I can inspire you to admit that you are kinky. I am kinky, if not only my familyname suggests so, I definately am by heart. 36 flavours, and only one of them is vanilla.
I don't fear ridicule, I think I am past that stage in my life. I am transgender, I am bi, I am kinky and I am PROUD!
I love all of you,
Love eachother,
hugs,
Kira Kinch <3
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