Dear readers,
Sometimes, dysphoria can be so destructive and so horribly abyssal that no words or actions can soothe the pain and despair felt by the transgender person in question.
I look at all of you,
biological women, beautiful, as you are supposed to be.
I completely ignore the fact that you might be unhappy
that you might have issues.
for all I see is a blinding radience that fills me up with vile jealousy.
I might blend in with you. but none the less, I will always feel like a wolf in sheeps clothing.
I will always feel guilty, because I feel like I am decieving you.
I will never, no matter how much you think so, and no matter how much I want it.
I will never be a woman like you.
I stare into the creature in my mirror, who has, for a lifetime taunted and tortured me. Although I now look different. My demon still lingers in the corner of my eye.
I will never escape this feeling. Ever.
and so I am forever damned...
/ Kira
Last time I saw you, I told that it has started to occur that I find some transgender women with strong male characteristics to be beautiful, and that it happens more and more often. Add that I could occassoinally catch a glimpse of beauty in my mirror despite feeling very trans-ey looking at the moment. And by beauty I mean not only the visual kind, but also the stories that we tell.
SvarSletI believe meeting you has a part in me starting to feel these things. Just the first few moments I saw you in person left a big impression on me, and I sincerely hope that you will one day be inspired to feel the same way. For it saddens me to see you write so despondently.
Friends have probably already insisted that things will get better, but don't hesitate to vent these feelings despite peoples worries while you wait for that time to come. Many of us can probably relate.
Dear Sander,
SletThank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot to me. And I am sure we will be there for eachother through the hard times of transition.